I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
