I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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