I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
