i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
