I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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