So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize