everyone is single if you try hard enough
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
