I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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