i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
