My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
