I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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