Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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