I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
