If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
