I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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