Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
