I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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