im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
