I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
