ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry about my life...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
