Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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