he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
