Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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