Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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