Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
