I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize