Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
