its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
