suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
