girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
