She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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