I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
