I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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