First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
