All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
