I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
