woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
