The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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