when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Little spoons don't ask big questions
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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