if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize