Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
