Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
