May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
