are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
