I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
