Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
