You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
