Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
