I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
