Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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