Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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