She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Please don't give away my fajitas
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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