Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
