The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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