I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hope mine doesn't look like that
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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