its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
