I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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