I hate your face
I wish I only lived at night.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
