Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
