1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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