Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
