ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
