We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
