what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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