You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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