there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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