I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
